Fear of public speaking

Social Phobia is an irrational anxiety brought forth by exposure to certain social situations, leading to avoidance behaviour. Specific Phobia is a persistent and irrational fear in response to some specific stimulus, which commonly results in avoidance of/withdrawal from that stimulus. It could be triggered by an insect or animal (zoophobia), by a situation like being trapped in an enclosed space (claustrophobia) or it could be a fear of disease (pathophobia). Though it feels real, the fear of public speaking or Glossophobia is what psychologists call "social construction". This means that it is not a natural phenomenon, but the result of something society has created. We expect it to cause fear and therefore, it causes fear. Unfortunately it is this "fear of the fear" which causes the problem to perpetuate, creating a vicious cycle. It is possible for a sufferer to change their attitude to public speaking and thus reduce their fear. If you can figure out exactly what it is about public speaking that scares you, then you can begin to see what you might be able to do about it. This analysis will help you to change your feelings. For example, if you regard the thought that people might laugh at you to be an important factor in your fear, you should ask yourself when they have laughed at you before. If they only laughed when you wanted them to, then your fear is unreal. Such reflection can make a positive change in your attitude to public speaking.

Reaching forgiveness

“How can I forgive my parents when they were so abusive to me when I was growing up?” “How can I forgive my spouse for cheating on me?” “How can I forgive my best friend for abandoning me?” “How can I face and forgive unforgiving abusers and manipulators?” “How can I forgive myself when others do not forgive me and throw my past in my face every chance they get?” These are some of the questions about forgiveness my clients have asked me over the 37 years that I have been a counselor. We have all been told that forgiveness is good for the soul, and it is. Yet forgiveness cannot be forced. We cannot will ourselves to forgive, because if we try to deny the anger, blame and judgment that may still be there, it is likely to come out at some point. So how do we reach forgiveness? Forgiveness toward others is the natural outcome of forgiving ourselves and of taking loving care of ourselves. When we judge ourselves, we will have a tendency to project that judgment onto others, no matter how much we tell ourselves that we have forgiven them. Let’s start with the first statement, “How can I forgive my parents when they were so abusive to me when I was growing up?” My experience is that as long as you continue to treat yourself in the abusive ways your parents may have treated you, you cannot reach forgiveness. It is your lack of self-care that perpetuates the anger toward others. As adults, we each have a wonderful opportunity to learn to treat ourselves with the love, respect, caring and understanding that we may have lacked as children. When we don’t do this, the past becomes the present as we continue to abuse ourselves in the ways we may have been abused, and then continue to blame others for how we end up feeling as a result of our lack of self-care. “How can I forgive my spouse for cheating on me?” You will not be able to forgive a spouse until you fully take responsibility for your participation in the relationship issues that may have contributed to the infidelity. There are always ways you did not listen to yourself or honor yourself that put you in the position of being betrayed. As you look deeply within and discover how you might have betrayed yourself and learn to forgive yourself, you may reach forgiveness for your spouse, even if you end up leaving the relationship. “How can I forgive my best friend for abandoning me?” The world tends to mirror to us whatever is happening in our own inner system. When we feel abandoned by someone, there is a good possibility that we have abandoned ourselves – that we have failed to attend to our own feelings and needs and have failed to be a loving advocate for ourselves. Once again, you will discover that if you learn how to take loving care of yourself, you will find your anger toward others gradually disappearing. “How can I face and forgive unforgiving abusers and manipulators?” Others’ behavior actually has little to do with whether we choose to be judgmental or accepting and forgiving. When we learn to be compassionate rather than judgmental toward the wounded, manipulative side of ourselves, we will naturally be compassionate toward others’ wounded, manipulative behavior. Once again, forgiveness is the natural outgrowth of doing our inner work, of moving out of self-judgment and into self-compassion. “How can I forgive myself when others do not forgive me and throw my past in my face every chance they get?” You will stay stuck in anger and judgment, and in feeling like a victim, as long as you make others responsible for whether or not you forgive yourself. Others’ forgiveness has nothing to do with your own decision to judge or forgive yourself. When you learn to move out of judgment and into compassion – first for yourself and then for others – you will find yourself forgiving yourself and others. Forgiveness is the natural outgrowth of compassion.

Is social anxiety holding you back

Another year, another New Years resolution ... if only this time it could be different? Do you feel overwhelmed by both your own and others expectations for the festive period? Does the forthcoming prospect of social gatherings make you feel uncomfortable? If you could wave a magic wand for a new years wish and change something about yourself what would it be? Deep down you may wish to go to parties and other social events. You may feel very lonely, but you probably never go anywhere because you’re very nervous about meeting new people. New situations together with the thought of meeting new people, scares you and new groups and crowds only make things worse for you. Will you know what to say? Will you be tongue-tied? Will they stare at you and make you feel even more insignificant? Will they reject you outright? Even if they seem nice, they're sure to notice your frozen look and your inability to fully relax. They'll sense your discomfort and they won't like you, there's just no way to win. "I'm always going to feel like this," you think. So you’d rather spend the time alone, at home, watching television again. You feel comfortable at home. In fact, home is the only place you do feel completely comfortable. You know that these feelings are irrational and you may feel frustrated that you are unable to conquer them. If all this seems familiar and is making sense, then all it does is prove that intelligence doesn’t make it easier to stop the feelings or make them better, in fact you probably feel worse because you realize that they’re irrational. Making this situation more difficult, is that social anxiety does not come and go like some other physical or psychological problems. If you have social anxiety one day, you have it every day for the rest of your life. You may feel isolated and alone and you may think that you are the only one in the whole world who has these terrible symptoms, but you are not alone and here is the good news, ... there is a better life for all people with social anxiety. How we think and feel about ourselves is often the difference between happiness and success, or frustration and failure, we are all products of our own thinking, so every thought we think has an impact on us. We respond to our negative thoughts and to our positive thoughts. No matter how much conscious effort you put into changing your habits, your subconscious mind will flood your body with negative messages that have been ingrained for years. If you have a history of failing to live up to your own expectations, your memories are loaded with negative programming and this is what you need to change. Success and real lasting changes in your life, will only come from changing the way you think. You can change the way you think by using home-based, self-help hypnotherapy DVD’s. Many people trying to make changes in their lives, struggle to maintain willpower. They feel that they need help and are often too embarrassed to admit to anyone that they have a problem. Now, many sufferers of low motivation and low confidence and self-esteem, are benefiting from hypnotherapy treatment, which can literally change peoples lives for the better. Your life will improve if you begin to believe in yourself and your abilities. You will feel respected, giving you that extra boost to increase motivation and your enthusiasm will increase noticeably. Some people say it feels like magic because it is so easy to make powerful changes. Hypnotherapy simply allows you to access the resources you already have in your subconscious mind. Desire to make changes is good. Taking action to start something is even better. When a person with social anxiety finally gets up the nerve to seek help, the chances that they can find it are very, very slim, but help is there for people who don’t know where to start and are not afraid to ask for it. Let’s assume that you’ve decided right now, to start making the changes that you want. If you have tried before and failed, you need a support structure put into place as quickly as possible, to help you to maintain your resolve and to keep your thought processes focused on your goals. A hypnotherapy DVD programme for home-use, can really help. Self-help is the only way to permanently stop anxiety and confidence-related problems - only you can change the way you think and act - no one can get inside you and do it for you. (Guidance and support can help, but even with this, you still have to do it yourself). Social anxiety disorder, responds very positively to hypnotherapy techniques and the treatment of social anxiety using hypnotherapy, has been proven to produce long-lasting, permanent relief. This treatment provides the methods, techniques, and strategies that come together to lessen the anxiety, to give control back to you and make the world a much more enjoyable place. If you feel that life isn’t all it could be, what do you intend to do about it? Do you want to overcome the obstacles that you know are standing in your way? Will you finally realise your potential and get more from life, relationships and your career? You have it within yourself to succeed. You will achieve success if you make sure that you put an effective support system into place as soon as possible. What’s stopping you from making it happen? So, don’t wait to make any New Year resolutions at midnight on the 31st of December, decide to start making the changes that you want to make in your life, RIGHT NOW! Do something different this time.

Access the rest of yourself

Copyright 2006 Cole's Poetic License Because I have used audio discs for self-hypnosis, I have successfully upgraded the programming in my subconscious mind in several areas. I want to spread the word. Brian Walsh, author of "Unleash your Brilliance" writes, "Some of us spend money and time on maintaining, or even upgrading, our external appearances. Some of us spend money and time on altering our internal attributes. Both are important, aren't they? "There is this story about a man walking down a street. He was approached by a panhandler. "Any spare change sir?" - The man replied, "Change comes from within." Yes, change does come from within. It begins by fine-tuning the core beliefs. To use a computer analogy, it is a disk clean, then a defrag. "In my book, I devote a whole chapter to hypnosis. In this article, I'd like to discuss self-hypnosis. Of all the workshops that I conduct, training people how to do self-hypnosis has got to be my favorite. I love to empower folks to set a goal, and then take that goal into their trance. The feedback I receive is very satisfying. "I want to share some of the points that we cover in this workshop. I want to convince you that you have the power within. Change is simply bringing back your true essence by stripping away the baggage that has been attached through negative imprinting, and reinforced by subsequent limited thinking. "Our core beliefs are not all conscious. Day in and day out, we make decisions based, not only on facts, but on our perceptions and biases. Most of these subconscious filters were set before we were seven years old. Why would they still be there? Probably because the subconscious has never been given alternative instructions. That's where hypnosis comes in. Hypnosis is simply the technique to bypass the critical faculty that blocks access to the subconscious mind. "When I first began to practice hypnotherapy, I realized that, aside from smoking and weight challenges, most people came to me for stress, career, relationship, and sleep difficulties. In order to help people beyond my local practice, I produced four self-hypnosis audio CDs. "If you would like to experience a complimentary sample, and if you use MS-Internet Explorer, then grab your headphones. clicks. aweber/z/ct/?D1zt0q2FB0iFZIh7YHs_BQ" ~~~ Because I have read his book and knew how powerful it is, I clicked on that link and listened. Do it. It's wonderful. I'm buying his tapes for Christmas and birthday presents for my friends and family. Before I heard Brian's tape I had been "going to Alpha level" every day with the Silva Ultramind ESP System from Learning Strategies. Now, I'm a level headed Yankee from Boston who never even heard of ESP. I'm not looking for that. But relaxing to the point where my brain functions on alpha waves is very healthy. You can do that with any kind of self-hypnosis. Our conscious brains operate mainly on Beta waves when we are awake. Dr. Robert Anthony writes, "To look at a situation and evaluate the information based on the conscious mind alone is to look at the effect instead of the cause. This makes us value judge both ourselves and others. And evaluate what we see, hear and feel as if it were, indeed, he truth." Read that again. Do you understand it? I sure struggled with it in Beta mind. From Alpha I believe he means that the laws of physics are the cause, such as the law of gravity and the law of attraction. We cannot see, hear or feel these laws. Here's a poem that came out of all this alpha-izing: Brain Waves by Evelyn Cole Open the book of Alpha where your mind breathes through the pages at the speed of light that feels slower than the pace of wait. Go where your feet float and your cells dance to an old song from your DNA, one you barely remember. Then, when you return to Beta, everything seems so easy. Audio discs make self-hypnosis easy. I have used Centerpointe's to great advantage. Like Brian's, two voices come at you, one in each ear at different frequencies. Silva's discs have a marvelous tapping sound. When you combine writing to discover your subconscious mind, as in Brainsweep, with hypnotic suggestion to reprogram it, there's nothing in this world you can't change if you want to.

How a broken leg became the beginning of a new lifestyle

Copyright 2006 Ingela Berger A man I know had an accident one autumn as he was working in the woods. The leaves had fallen to the ground and the rain had fallen on the leaves. Wet leaves are very slippery, and this man knew that, but on a slope he lost control, fell and broke his right leg. He was lucky to have company, and soon he was in an ambulance on his way to the hospital. He was not so lucky to know that the leg was broken in several places and the operation that followed was somewhat complicated and left him with rather a large number of screws in his bone. He received a small amount of money from his insurance company, but it was just enough to cover the expenses for his hospital care, his torn clothes and boots. A year later he still had some ugly scars, the skin on the leg was partly numb, and he found it a little hard to walk. His right leg pointed slightly outward, it had an angle that was just a bit too wide and made him stumble into tables legs and door posts every now and again. He could live with it, but it was annoying. Now the word reached his ear that there was more compensation to be sought from his insurance company for the long-term after-effects. To capture this opportunity he had to apply within ten years from the time of the accident. So he forgot about it. He still had time. And there were so many other things that filled his mind and that he had to do. Important things too. He was a busy man. Fortunately, his leg kept reminding him. But then he forgot about it again. After eight years he still suffered from the effects of the accident. Maybe I should go ahead and claim this money after all, he reasoned with himself. Maybe I could get another couple of hundred dollars, who knows, that would be great! If I don't do it now maybe I will regret it later. So he decided to give it a shot and see what could come out of it. His doctor helped him with a medical certificate and he sent away his claim along with some newly taken photos of the leg. He did it all in the last minute. But he did it. A few weeks before Christmas he got a letter from the insurance company. They were granting him 5 500 euros ($7 000). All his life this man had dreamed of owning a motorcycle. He was now 50 years old. He could drive a bike, he had a licence, and he had borrowed a bike from a friend for a few short rides now and then, but now it was finally possible for him to realize this old dream and buy his own motor-bike. Of course, it wouldn't be a brand-new one for this money, but still... It wasn't before long that he found himself a beautiful red Honda CX500 1982. It had travelled just 30 000 km (19 000 miles). A real gem. And what's more - there was some money left for buying a fine digital camera as well. This happy man is now riding his treasure on the country roads of Scandinavia keeping his camera in the top box behind him. It's his first summer on the roads, and he soars! Whenever he takes a break at some cafй people come up to him to take a closer look and admire the bike. Many get a touch of nostalgia. His eyes sparkle with pride as he satisfies their curiosity. What seemed to be an ending to health and happiness turned out to be a beginning of a new lifestyle, of life quality and fulfilment. A dream come true. Break a leg!